Sitting Here Listening to My Boyfriend Watch Old 9/11 Footage

I'm sitting here Skyping with my boyfriend as he sits at his computer watching old footage from the September 11th attacks. I'm trying to rack my brain for memories of the day it happened. I remember that this was around 5th grade. We were in the portable buildings at Beverly Elementary School sitting in class when all the teachers gathered us into one classroom. They turned on the TV and showed us what was going on. Like many of the kids there, I didn't realize how severe the problem was. It seemed like something that wouldn't affect me. New York City was just another place that was out of reach for me. I was completely oblivious to things or I considered the tragedy as something that happened in another world.

As I grew older, I slowly began grasping the affect of September 11th. In 8th grade, I wrote a paper about the 9/11 attacks. That was when the extent of the damage caused by the terrorists became a little but clearer. Thousands of lives ended that day leaving several thousands more devastated with the loss of their family or loved ones. I think back on it now and can now feel sympathy for those directly effected by the attacks. What if I lost someone in the attack? How different things would have been that day 11 years ago. If something similar were to happen now and I lost people that I loved, I don't know if I'd be able to keep going.

Now I think about the people that actually died in the attacks. The sheer chaos inside the building, the choking smoke, the heat of the glames. It's even worse to think about having to accept the fact that you're going to die. You're so high up, there's no way down the elevators or stairs. The only thing you can do is wait for death to come. This is unimaginable for someone like me who has never had a near-death experience. I'm sure the fear of the end would choke me before anything. I'm not one who can close my eyes and calmly accept my death. My number one fear is death itself even though I should accept that it's a part of life.

My thoughts and prayers go to the souls lost in the 9/11 attacks and the families and friends struggling to get through the loss of their loved ones.