Missing Piece

It's been about 9 months since I've graduated and I'm still stuck in the same rut that I've always been. Not that working at Studio Movie Grill is bad (that's a terrible lie). It's just that I don't feel like I'm making any progress towards my career goal. I don't want to be stuck as a waitress forever, but that's what I have to do right now in order to have money in the bank.

To make things a little bit worse, I decided to sever my time at the internship I was at. Interning at the company I was at seemed like a waste of time because 1) I wasn't making any money, and 2) the projects were so simple that my skills seemed wasted. What do I mean by simple projects? I mean doing projects like making brochures using a company-made template, making videos using other company's content and then slapping on a logo at the end, and imitating other company's materials and slapping the company logo on that. Not only is there no challenge in that, but it's also immoral. On top of that, I was working independently and not really learning anything new from anyone.

It's just frustrating to think that I might not be good enough to do any better than I am now. I'm looking at my portfolio at this point and wondering what I'm doing wrong. Am I missing something that employers are looking for or am I just not able to compete with everyone else in this industry? I'm thinking its the latter. Maybe I'm not as good as I think I am. And this is where my self-esteem falls further because graphic design is the only thing I know, and if I'm not good enough to do that then I'm good for nothing. That's depressing.